Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
