Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
