but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
