windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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