yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
