My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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