that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
