Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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