...so i touched it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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