stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
