she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
