my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
