She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
