Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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