He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
