we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
