I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
