He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
