i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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