So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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