how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
