you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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