You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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