We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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