Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
