At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
