I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
