last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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