i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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