I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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