I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
