I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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