That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
