Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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