You made me cry and you don't even care
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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