i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
