I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
