i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
