dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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