Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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