you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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