woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
