White coat. Heels.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
