You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
