I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
