Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
