is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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