I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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