All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that's an acceptable place to lick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
