I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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