just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
