i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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