Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
