so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize