my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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