Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
