at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
