I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
