she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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