I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
