i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
