I just saw a hot homeless man
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
