I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
