tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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